reward your lackey - maybe

Some weeks, they will miraculously know which treat you are bouncy for, they will feed you on time and the right amount, they will walk you and let you steer and just generally not cause any problems. When you get a few days like this, you may wish to reward your lackey - maybe. Now, not being tall enough or having opposable thumbs limits our options, canines, but humans are stupid and emotional upright monkeys – treat them as such. When your lackey sits down to watch the noisy thing in the corner or listen to rhythmic noise or run their eyes over those bunches of paper, you’ve got them right where you want them. Hopefully, they have decided to sit on the covered lounge that you are allowed on. (note: this tip also helps to get permission to sit on more comfy things) Hop up beside them, give them the same big “gotta love me” looks that get your more food, then gently lay down very close to them and get as much of yourself as you can onto one of their legs. Chest up should work beautifully. When they look down or shift their foreleg out of the way, keep eye contact, wiggle to a comfy spot and (here’s the hook) slowly lower your jaw down to rest on their leg between your paws. You’ll know you’ve struck just the right pose if you hear your lackey go awwwwwwwww. Got them! You may now sleep or clean your paws with a comfy pillow kept nice and warm by warm blood in constant movement and the lackey will think you have given them a wonderful gift. Be careful though, if you rip their leg coverings or scratch your arse a bit vigorously, they may pick you up and shift you against your will.