I scared the lackey tonight

I scared the lackey tonight – it was hilarious. She was easing in the side gate carrying several bags and I managed to slip out onto the footpath. I ran three laps around the car, veering onto the road for kicks. I learned the word ‘road’ as she yelled “get off the road” at me a few times – feedback from her brain indicated she found shouting this phrase amusing. I then pelted in through the gate behind her and dived into the shopping bags. Didn’t take anything, I just enjoy hearing her freak out. Humans.

back yard mess

I rearranged the contents of the big crate in the back yard. It’s a black, hard, bland tasting, thick bucket with lots of smaller crunchy things inside it. If I tip it over, they all fall out and I can lie inside it – mostly. I then decorated the courtyard with the smaller buckets and spread bits of blue and green bucket sides all over the place. I thought it was pretty and was very pleased with my efforts. When the lackey returned home from the place she goes to in order to get money to buy me things, she seemed amazed with my creativity. It was nothing. I shall continue with my decoration despite the fact that the idiot lackey insisted on tidying up and replacing the small buckets into the big black bucket. I’ll teach her to remove my work of art by doing it again and again until she desists picking them up.

Australia Day

The lackey and her litter-mate spent most of the day watching the noisy box in Dylan’s house. Dylan behaved but I kept my eye on him. The lackey and her litter-mate did very little but sit there and watch something that must have been interesting to them as they reacted very little to me and Dylan. I expressed my annoyance at this by going mental a couple of times. I got treats and they fussed over me and begged me to sit down and be quiet. Humans – sometimes it’s just too easy to get what you want. But they were both quite happy with the day’s events as no blood or snarling was required to keep my new friend in line.

The lackey is an idiot. # 3

She took me to Dylan’s again today for a longer stay. All was well, I explored the yard, I drank from his bowl (as is the right of any guest) and I peed where I judged the right spot to be. Then he looked at me the wrong way. Bastard! I had to let him know of course. Stupid male thinks that just because he’s bigger and it’s his home, he can look at me any time. He was wrong. Somewhere in the middle of the fight, I decided I was enjoying myself. That’s when the stupid lackey tried to stop the somewhat heated discussion Dylan and I were having. One of us let her know her mistake; even I am unsure which one of us it was as our jaws were quite close together at the time. But even before she could lift me from under his strong, powerful jaws, he had me by the back of the neck and I realised I had been wrong. This was his home after all and I must respect that. Still doesn’t mean I think he can be fed a treat without my pre-approval. The lackey seemed concerned that I had blood in my mouth. Stupid human. It was gone soon enough, my face is fine but my ear is a bit itchy as the scab dries. I am tough enough for a fight like this and then some. Still, I did deign to allow him to nap on the higher lounger with his lackey as I was given a chair of my own next to my lackey. I suppose it was comfortable enough as I did have a small nap myself. But the whole day left me out of sorts and to remind the lackey that dogs will be dogs, I peed on the linoleum. That’ll teach her!

I killed the pink rope today.

It was annoying me. I shook it as you must to break the spine of the thing in your mouth, I bit down on each end to make sure it was vanquished, then I carefully, delicately shredded the guts out of it. It broke apart in a very satisfying manner, so much so that I had to roll onto my back and hold it aloft in triumph. The lackey seemed pleased she had bought the thing until she realised it was being killed. It unravelled beautifully. The rope untwisted into four clumps of fibres and I picked the layers off each of these legs until it was a tangled, frayed, ripped, ragged mess. Glorious.

I have a new toy!

I like it a lot. It’s a lovely chew toy that is hollow and can be stuffed with all sorts of yummy things. The lackey glued my dry food inside it with peanut butter. It was divine and I had to keep chewing and licking until I made sure I got the last little bit. It amused me even when it was empty as when you push it about, it doesn’t roll in a straight line - something to do with the ends being different sizes. The lackey seemed pleased she had bought the thing. I expect more yummy goodness inside it regularly.

I was deceived.

I had the lackey drive me around the general area to determine our position in relation to the big noisy road and the school full of screaming rug rats. I must run a diagnostic on the mind to mind interface as at the furthest point of my exploration, she turned into another house and we disembarked instead of returning home as I had planned. I met the lackey’s litter-mate and her master Dylan. We did not get on. He was uncouth and smelled me in inappropriate places. I let him know my disapproval and being a stupid male, he argued back. We both bled briefly. The lackey cried a little. Stupid human, doesn’t she understand this is how we canines sort out our differences? I was fine as soon as we left. When we got home I demanded treats and tug of war as recompense for her disobedience as my driver.

Walkies

I was able to tow the lackey about the neighbourhood tonight. I have identified several of my species and some of their lackey’s residences. I shall demand the lackey follow me around the neighbourhood every night or every second night until I locate them all. Note to self: the next lackey must have longer legs, this one’s small stride is holding me back.

The lackey is an idiot # 2

All I wanted was an enemy to disembowel something and she fetched me a foam mattress. Well, as I was going to disembowel something anyway… The lackey found it amusing and took some photographs. Not my best angle. But at the moment of triumph it didn’t matter – there is something deeply satisfying about being shoulder deep in the belly of your enemy. I expect the lackey will add some pictures to this page once she gets her arse in gear.

The lackey is an idiot.

All I wanted was an enemy to disembowel something and she fetched me a tug of war rope with a tennis ball threaded on it. Well, as I was going to disembowel something anyway… The lackey was not pleased. Excuse me? I am a Staffordshire Terrier – what part of my jaw looks light weight and delicate? She moaned about it only taking a day to peel and shatter the tennis ball off of the rope. A day?! I must be loosing my touch, I should have had that damn thing naked and damaged in ten minutes flat.

Mind meld complete

I have control of the lackey’s mind – at least while we’re in direct line of sight. All I have to do is make eye contact any time I want anything and she obeys. Victory is mine.

Friday January 8th 2010

I met my new lackey tonight. She’s a bit slow but should be functional once I get the mind to mind connection locked in.

PS: I settled on "lackey" as "minion" was already taken - http://www.mishasminions.com/