· Why can the lackey poo and pee inside the house on the loo thingy when I can’t even so much as rub by bum inside?
· Why is eating a rotting bone on the deck good and eating it on the big bed bad?
· Why is standing on the lackey’s lap good and standing on her head bad?
· Why am I not allowed to chase cats when the lackey doesn’t even like them?
· Why am I allowed to mess up the cushions on the lounge in the front room but get growled at when I mess up the cushions on the lounge in the tv room?
· Why is barking in the yard at strangers in the street good and barking in the lackey’s ear at 2am to tell her I’m awake bad?
· Why is licking the lackey’s face when she gets home from work good and licking the lackey’s face at 2am bad?
· Why is playing tug of war with the short twisted rope in the backyard good and playing tug of war with my harness lead out on our walk bad?
· Why am I only allowed to lick my bum when no-one is watching?
· If scratching feels so good, why does the lackey stop me doing it when I’m leaning against her back at 4am?
· Why does the lackey reward me for walking close when I’m on the harness lead and then growl about it when I do it in the kitchen?
· Why teach me to use the doggy door in the laundry and then complain when I use it between naps at night? Or is she really complaining about me coming back to bed with cold paws? Well then why can she cuddle me to get warm and I can’t plant my paws in her back to do the same thing?
· Why teach me to shake hands for treats and then yell at me for pawing her when I want treats?
· Why is all my fur on me cuddly and good and one single white hair in her clothes bad?
· Why does she get to scratch my tummy when I can’t scratch hers? Okay, so that one I’m okay with coz I can take as much as I can get but she still gets all snotty when I scratch at her. Just because my claws are perfect and hers are weak and soft. Oh, that must be it – she’s jealous of my nails.
· The one thing I do understand – humans are weird things that arbitrarily change the meaning of actions depending on the time of day and where you do them and whether or not they asked you first
No comments:
Post a Comment