Tips for getting your lackey out of bed

As Mid-Winter approaches, the mornings are getting chilly, especially for those of us with fine pelts who don’t have the benefit of oodles of hair to fluff about in. If you are having trouble getting your lazy lackey out of bed and into the pantry to get your breakfast, here are some tips you may wish to use.
Level 1 – walk about on the top of the bed covers without being careful where you step to wake them up
Level 2 – stroll up the bed, step on the bulges under the covers and give them a great big kiss
Level 3 – sit on the pillow and clean their face
Level 4 – stay on the pillow even if they try and shove you away, also clean ears and teeth – this last one may take some twisting and timing but if you can catch your lackey with their mouth open, you are guaranteed of complete wakefulness and probably some foul language
Level 5 – when they sit up to wipe your slobber out of their mouth, take the lifting of the covers as a signal to tear down inside the covers to the bottom of the bed and begin cleaning their feet – relax, you’ve licked worse off your own paws and/or arse than you will ever find on your lackey’s feet… hopefully
Level 6 – when they sit up and pull their feet away from you, follow them up and use your neck or back to move the covers further away from them, exposing their back to the cold if at all possible – once your lackey feels the cold air, they will get up and get your breakfast just so you will leave them alone and let them go back to bed in peace
Level 7 – to really dig the claw in, while the lackey is out in the cold kitchen preparing your breakfast, you will naturally stay in bed and snuggle down into the warm covers until you hear the pantry door close and the lackey cursing under their breath
Level 8 – eat your breakfast and go out for a pee while the lackey will probably do the same although, as the lackey can pee inside and you have to go outside in the frost, as soon as you finish, race back in, dive up onto the bed, lick their face, get them to raise them arm in defence, shot in under the arm and the covers and plant all four icy paws on their torso
Level 9 – if your lackey manages to get back to sleep after all this, repeat torture levels 1 through 6 until they just plain give up and go get in the hot shower to get away from you
Congratulations – you now have a toasty warm bed all to yourself.