Another dull week

Not a lot going on. We skipped our lap around the neighbourhood twice this week due to cold and wet. It’s too damn nice snuggled down in the cushions on my lounge to go flouncing around the park for ages and ages just coz the lackey wants to tire me out. Spent Saturday asleep and warm while the lackey did whatever it is she does when she says “I’m on the computer Lucy, I won’t be long”. HA! She was there all afternoon and evening and again today. But we played tug-of-wars for a while and went on a huge walk before it got way too cold to be outside and I got three lots of treats between naps – all is forgiven. So when we got back from our walk, it was telly time. I slept, the lackey laughed here and there and then the damn car noises started up and went till late. The lackey did worry me for a moment very late in the evening when she made this weird gasping strangling sort of noise that woke me up and then spent 15 minutes gabbling on the phone to Nanna about someone named Mark Webber who had something dangerous happen. But he was fine so I don’t know why the cow bothered to make all that noise and wake me.

I tried – again

During our walk tonight, we saw people in the street for the first time in ages and one of them was gorgeous! He was a lovely white and tan husky that I hadn’t seen before and his lackey. He had the lovely deep fur you just want to walk over to and roll around in until you’re all warm and his lackey was okay looking for a talking monkey. I stopped to lick noses with the father of my children – well, he would be if I hadn’t had the snip. I kept waiting for my idiot lackey to engage his lackey in conversation or at least exchange names so I could start making up names for our imaginary kids but she never did! She told ME to play nice, told ME to be good, not once did she speak directly to the other lackey. Then off we go and off they go and neither of us got any action! The least she could have done was get names. A better lackey would have talked them into escorting us home and invited them in for treats and never have let them go. Bad lackey.

How to change things from Dull to Fun

The lackey is very busy at her work and this means our nights on workdays are very dull – cuddles when she gets home, food, walk, telly, bed. This is okay, it’s a good routine that we both cope well with but it gets duller than a used chew toy that doesn’t taste good any more. So I thought I’d make things more interesting for us both over the weekend. The lackey did some cleaning so I did some digging and tracked some nice dirt back inside as soon as the vacuum was silent again. The lackey wasted some time on her computer while I had my nap. This was allowable and I didn’t bother giving her grief over it as she let me sleep and made almost no noise. The lackey fed and walked me and we sat down to watch some telly. Wrong – I had to play first. Tug-of-wars was only half hearted as the lackey sat down on the floor and watched the telly more than she watched me. She did whine a few times that she was trying to watch her show but who cares about that. Then I went outside to complain to the neighbours that they were making far too much noise and when I came back inside the lackey was knitting. Absolutely not! When she knits, the damn thing she’s been working on the whole time I’ve known her is spread out over the low table and her lap and she gets all huffy if I try and stand on her for scratches. So, in order to show her the error of her ways, I initiated a stealth attack. I waited until her attention was firmly on counting loops of wool and dived up onto the lounge and onto her leg. My aim was perfect as I scored bonus points for knocking her full glass of water onto the papers on the table and down her leg. She made this weird noise and then kept going no, no, no, no as she tried to put the needles down without unhooking the wool, not stab me, push me off her lap, stop the glass from rolling onto the floor, save the papers from the spill and pick up the water. I would have scored maximum points if she had cried but she held herself together and got the cloth to clean up the spill. I sat there looking very pleased with myself because the water had removed some ink from the papers on the low table and the lackey was worried she’d have to stop knitting to re-do her pattern. Victory! But it was very short-lived. Apparently the pattern is the same left and right so she just checked the dry side and did it backwards to make up the bits that got washed away. But I was not finished! During the night, I pretended to need to pee after every nap so I had the lackey up and down all night and she was so tired and worn out that I didn’t even get yelled at. Mind you, at deep dark she did refuse (with bad words) to get out of bed at all. Then I got her up at sunrise this morning for breakfast. See – much more interesting!

Tips for getting your lackey out of bed

As Mid-Winter approaches, the mornings are getting chilly, especially for those of us with fine pelts who don’t have the benefit of oodles of hair to fluff about in. If you are having trouble getting your lazy lackey out of bed and into the pantry to get your breakfast, here are some tips you may wish to use.
Level 1 – walk about on the top of the bed covers without being careful where you step to wake them up
Level 2 – stroll up the bed, step on the bulges under the covers and give them a great big kiss
Level 3 – sit on the pillow and clean their face
Level 4 – stay on the pillow even if they try and shove you away, also clean ears and teeth – this last one may take some twisting and timing but if you can catch your lackey with their mouth open, you are guaranteed of complete wakefulness and probably some foul language
Level 5 – when they sit up to wipe your slobber out of their mouth, take the lifting of the covers as a signal to tear down inside the covers to the bottom of the bed and begin cleaning their feet – relax, you’ve licked worse off your own paws and/or arse than you will ever find on your lackey’s feet… hopefully
Level 6 – when they sit up and pull their feet away from you, follow them up and use your neck or back to move the covers further away from them, exposing their back to the cold if at all possible – once your lackey feels the cold air, they will get up and get your breakfast just so you will leave them alone and let them go back to bed in peace
Level 7 – to really dig the claw in, while the lackey is out in the cold kitchen preparing your breakfast, you will naturally stay in bed and snuggle down into the warm covers until you hear the pantry door close and the lackey cursing under their breath
Level 8 – eat your breakfast and go out for a pee while the lackey will probably do the same although, as the lackey can pee inside and you have to go outside in the frost, as soon as you finish, race back in, dive up onto the bed, lick their face, get them to raise them arm in defence, shot in under the arm and the covers and plant all four icy paws on their torso
Level 9 – if your lackey manages to get back to sleep after all this, repeat torture levels 1 through 6 until they just plain give up and go get in the hot shower to get away from you
Congratulations – you now have a toasty warm bed all to yourself.

I want this lackey

Some girls have all the luck! Apparently, Lolita’s lackey is quite famous. My lackey likes Lolita's lackey a lot. Find out more about him – link to Gerard-Butler.net

Thin Ice can be Forgiven

The lackey is on very thin ice over her use of the computer at night when she should be worshipping the ground I walk on. I lie on my lounge and watch her, occasionally giving her the evil eye but the message didn’t seem to be getting through. Yes, it’s cold and rainy. Yes, the things on the computer seem to interest her more than dislocating her shoulder playing tug-of-wars with me. I do understand - which is why I haven’t scratched her leg or chewed the lines that hold the computer to the wall. But I expect equal time to that box of whirring metal. Last night, the lackey worked it out. We went on a big walk because it wasn’t actually raining. We had big cuddles on the lounge to warm us up after and I napped while the lackey did the computer thing. At a later bed time than normal, the lackey let me sit on her pillow and then lifted up the blankets so I could get down into the bottom of the bed and be toasty warm all night sleeping soundly against the lackey’s legs. So yes, I shall forgive her for the computer time… for now.

Inside Day

Today was an inside day – raining, cold with very patchy moments of sunshine. The lackey has spent the day at her desk ignoring me which was fine because once we played some tug-of-war, I was content to snuggle into my nest on my lounge and sleep all afternoon. We had something to eat when it started to get dark and went on our nightly walk so now we are both back at the same spots for the evening. Until it’s time to go to bed anyway.



I also got my first email! The lovely Michelle (the lackey for Hamish and Toby) finished her email with: May your dish be full of treats and your spot on the couch always just right. Awwwwwww, thank you. Hamish and Toby have a great lackey too.

Too damn cold

I’ve had to wake the lackey in the middle of the night the last two nights to complain about the lack of heat in our bedroom. Rather than turn the big heater on, she added another blanket to the bed. But did she consider me in this? I don’t think so. This morning, I couldn’t take it any more and woke the lackey, to which she complained – how the hell do you know when it’s 2am, huh? I washed her ears out to help her ability to hear my teeth chattering and she reached out to cuddle me. This was my moment! With her arm up and out, the edge of the blankets was lifted off her shoulders and I could plunge in the gap and crawl down to the bottom of the toasty warm bed and slobber on her feet. She said some bad words but when she sat up she also muttered about how cold it was so I was allowed to stay in the warm at the bottom of the bed. Just as bloody well!

I can’t find Nanna and Pop

I looked all over the house and the yard all day today and I can’t find Nanna and Pop. When the lackey got home from work I showed her my concern and frustration and she assured me that it was okay, that they had gone home. I’d lived with this lackey for 3 full moons before I got to meet her parents and now the lackey tells me they won’t be back for a while but I still can’t go in their room. Why not? They’re not using it, the door stays shut when they’re not here – that’s just wasting a perfectly good spot for me to snooze the day away. The least they could have done before they left was break the lock so I could get in any time I wanted to.