I’m Confused

The lackey is breaking her own rules and our routine is changing and I’m freaking out about this! For the last two seasons, the lackey and I have fallen into a routine that suited me beautifully and the lackey just limped along trying to keep up. After reaching the end of the lackey’s rope a few weeks ago, there have been… changes. And not in the oh-look-there’s-more-food-in-my-bowl way, oh no, it’s in the my-lackey-has-a-mind-of-her-own way. This is bad! When the lackey stayed home from work for three sleeps in a row this weekend (which is odd but okay) we cuddled more, she talked to me heaps more and we played tug-of-war and went for walks and visited Dylan (which was all very nice) but the morning routine was off, totally off. She got up and fetched my breakfast when I slobbered in her ears – which is normal. I got a sleepy scratch and a treat in the laundry – which is normal. Then the weirdness started. The lackey had not washed or changed clothes and instead of getting in the car and leaving me for the day, she pats me, tells me I’m good then shuts the bloody inside door in my face and the house goes quiet! Ooooooo-kay. So I have my normal morning, bark a bit, chase the pigeons out of the yard a bit, sleep a bit. But the lackey is still inside and when I hear noises start up and then go to check on her, the inside door is now open and the lackey is washed and dressed in normal all-day clothes. Huh? We share some vegemite toast and that’s that. Back to normal afternoon and evening – sleep, eat, tv, cuddles, bed. Then she did the odd morning thing again – then normal eat, nap, Dylan’s, bed. Then she did it a third time – then normal eat, nap, play, eat, walk, tv, bed. So I thought, right, we’ve got a new routine. So this morning, I go for the new routine except she goes back to the old routine! I’m now so confused that I wet myself... and she didn’t get mad even though I was cowering and waiting for a scalding - she seems concerned FOR me instead. When she gave me my normal treat in the laundry, she followed me outside which over the last few days has meant we are leaving the house, so I follow her into the carport and then we play chase around the car for ten minutes while I try to stay in the carport and she tries to get me out of the carport then she lets me get in the car then she picks me up, carries me to the courtyard and plops me near my second treat which she left on the ground and then she scoots back into the carport and leaves me! What’s going on?! As near as I can tell, the only benefit out of this entire debacle is that the lackey got a lot more sleep. Outrageous! And to top it all off, for my birthday, all I got was one stinking extra treat. I tell you, a few more weekends like this and I’m eating a finger or two off while she’s asleep… after I pee on her bed.