It’s hard to teach an old lackey new tricks

We’ve been trying a few things to try and communicate better but it’s not working as good as I hoped it might. For example – when I wake the lackey up by nosing the back of her neck, we both know that means that I need her to lift the covers of the bed and let me crawl down to sleep in the warm corner behind her bent knees. Once I had this working well, I tried a new signal as I refuse to sully my mouth with her stupid language. So when I wake her up by washing her face, her ears, her neck, I’m telling her to get her lazy arse out of bed and feed me. The lackey does not understand the urgency of the request and I have to repeat the action several times some minutes apart before it sinks into her sleep addled monkey brain that I want food. I have also begun trying to command her to get out of bed when her noise machine turns itself on in the mornings by standing over her head hopefully pulling her hair in the process. Now the lackey misunderstands this one completely as every time I try it, she rolls over super quick and pins me down to the pillow like she’s trying so hard to be the alpha dog or something. Stupid monkey – she doesn’t have the right teeth for a start. Anyway, we’re going to have to work on that one. She does seem to understand my requests for walks though – I just dance and tear around the house till she picks up my harness and then I race her to the side gate. Only took me a few times to do that before she worked it out. Humans – their ability to learn seems strangely hit and miss.