Boys, bones and bed

Had a nice surprise during the week – I got my first crush. Sure, I’d barked at boy dogs on the telly before and the lackey tells me they’re not real as though I don’t have the nose to work that out for myself - idiot monkey. The other night was different. We were sharing the lounge in the front room just after dinner and it was cold and raining so there was no lap around the park to rush off and do, so we sat there and watched telly. The lackey operates it, as is her menial duty, and we end up on the most gorgeous Shepherd you’ve ever seen. He was a vision. He was jumping around, chewing on a squeaker and I just froze. I was enraptured, sitting there with my ears all propped up and my head just tilted over a bit to watch him better and I just had to yip and talk back to him. The lackey burst out laughing and asked me the dumbest question ever – Do you like him, Lucy? Well, gee, let me think. Actually, no, wait a minute, just let me sit here and watch him drop the squeaker and – the talent of this just blew my mind – he picked up a little watering can and watered the office plant! Shit, really? Is that what you’re meant to do to pot plants? I thought they were just emergency toys to be broken in case of boredom. We watched for a bit and then the lackey, in her most stupid upright-monkey voice started singing – Lucy likes Rex, Lucy likes Rex. I immediately had to shove my tongue into her face to get her to shut the hell up… but at least I now know his name.

Then the next day, I completely forgot him as the bones that the lackey had tipped onto the deck earlier in the week were finally rancid enough to eat and I spent the day dragging them about the yard and chomping them into sharp pieces. The sharpest ones, I scattered about the courtyard between the house and the carport because I’m laying traps for the stupid cat from across the road that keeps coming onto the front deck that I CAN’T GET TO! I must lure it over the fence, I must lure it over the fence.

Then the day we normally play – let’s see how many times Lucy stands on the lackey’s head before she gets out of bed – the game ended early when the lackey fled the house for the day. Apparently, spending her day eating and laughing with her friends is a better way to spend her time that getting a sore arm rubbing my belly too much. Erm, okay, I suppose she can have one day to herself. Mind you, when she got home, I demanded double treats and she did end up getting a sore arm from me making her reach to scratch my belly. Here’s the trick for those times when you want a scratch and to punish your lackey at the same time. Whine until they get the message and give you a rub. Do not lay down and make it easy for them. Stand up next to them on the bed and slowly lean further away from their shoulder to make them reach just that little more, little more, little more until some time later they realise that their back and shoulder hurt and they pull back into a more comfortable spot. Repeat. If it gets late and the lackey is reading a good book and not paying the action any attention, you can get them to hurt themselves. Ha hah ah ha ha - stupid human. Spent Sunday morning trying to trip the lackey up as she did housework, the afternoon napping on the big bed and the evening annoying the piss out of the lackey by interrupting her computer time then her reading time as much as I could be bothered to. A good week all in all.